Not with areal baby of course, but with a vortex of tender, motherly love churninginside of me. My belly, although distended, was warm and smooth at thetouch. My belly button was jutting out as happens to a pregnant womanwhen her belly bulges out. I had mood swings, typical of hormone surges,and the definite sensation something was moving on the inside. It was abit like I could feel the baby kicking sometimes! Heaven on earth for atranswoman, I thought, mustn't be very different from this. I felt as ifevery moment of my life was significant in the writing of my history as awoman.One night I told Mustapha about my feelings, while I was in his lovingarms. His dark, smouldering eyes softened up all of a sudden, like thoseof a man being told by his woman that he is going to be a father. Next,with a glow I had never seen before, he gave me the most tender kiss awoman could ever get, then another one, and another, and another... a kissdifferent from any kiss he had given me until then. A. "Call the cops, Michael," Phoenix said. "We to get dressed and go over our story."I never tried to get emancipated minor status, even though for all intents and purposes I was living on my own. The money from my mother's accident would have covered me, especially after it became clear that I would get a college scholarship if I did not get injured. At first, I didn't do it because of the remaining small hope that he would remember how to be a father to me. After he admitted cheating on my mother with the woman he took up with after her death, it was about not letting them off the hook. If I made his abandonment legal, they could move on and forget his past life.It was also to my advantage at times, like not having to answer the police's questions until my father arrived or a lawyer in lieu of said father. Mr. Marie, acting as my lawyer, did not favor the further traumatizing of a 'child'. Phoenix had been conscious the entire time (according to her statement) and was happy to tell.
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